Success Newsletter

2010-04-03T06:43:00.001+10:00

Lucky People Live in Harmony with their Values

Contemporary personal development authors such as Anthony Robbins (1991) propose that our life values are like a compass, steering us towards the things we value most in life and away from the things we choose to avoid.

“Values guide our every decision and, therefore, our destiny”. Anthony Robbins (1991)

Whether we make our decisions consciously or unconsciously, they are usually in alignment with our highest values. For example, if someone values ‘honesty’ they will disclose unpleasant truths even though this may hurt someone’s feelings or cause families to break up. Someone who values wisdom or compassion above honesty will use deeper discernment about how and when to tell the truth without harming the individual concerned or causing damage to others.

Sometimes our decisions are not in alignment with our highest values, resulting in feelings of guilt or regret. For example, if we value courage above security but allowed ourselves to ignore a colleague being bullied, we may feel guilty that we did not take the risk of losing our own job in order to challenge the bullying. However, someone who values their own security above courage (perhaps because they have children to consider) would not feel guilty about the same situation. If we value freedom above loyalty, we may regret a wasted married life, living with a partner that demands loyalty. Someone who values loyalty above freedom may feel quite content and proud of their capacity to be loyal enough to save their marriage.

Are there things that you feel guilty about? Are there things that you regret doing or not doing in your life?

When you reflect on these events in your life; events which left you feeling guilty or full of regret, you may notice that one or more of your highest values were not being met; you chose to act upon a value of lower importance to you. What value did you act upon and what value would have given you more long term satisfaction?

Sometimes we are well aware of our values but nevertheless, it is difficult to make a decision as they are in conflict with each other. This is often because we are isolating two opposing values and struggling to compromise between them instead of reflecting on clusters of values and choosing the scenario that each represents. For example, when you are buying a new home, instead of creating a dilemma, choosing between city or rural environment, you may find it easier to make a wise decision about which house to buy if you list your 10 top values for a new home and ensure that you meet the top 5 values you have listed. Even if you meet your top three values, I doubt that you will feel guilty or regret the decision you have made.

If you have an important decision to make and would like to be coached on clarifying your top values, contact me to make an introductory coaching appointment jesvir@universityforlife.com

2010-01-12T08:32:00.002+10:00

Lucky People Choose their Beliefs Wisely

We all have beliefs but it is the fortunate amongst us that realise we have a choice about what to believe.

Our survival depends on the beliefs we use to interpret our existence and interaction with our environment. Most of us learn to adopt beliefs that will protect us from harm physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Based on the survival mechanism which warns us to avoid pain and attract pleasure, we tend to refrain from harbouring beliefs that cause us pain and we embrace beliefs that give us pleasure.

Can you remember the first belief that you articulated in your life? It was probably soon after you started to formulate ideas about the world in which you found yourself as a small child. Beliefs are ideas supported by evidence that gives them validity. This evidence may be your own personal experience or the experience of people that you trust (either because you love them or because they are credible authorities). Thus, our childhood beliefs are shaped by our family, friends, teachers and information that we absorb from our environment. In adulthood, our beliefs are shaped by our complex interpretation of the information we absorb through interaction and communication with our environment. We determine our own rules about whether to believe something or not. For example, lawyers need much more factual evidence to support a belief than psychics who rely on intuition. If you consider your most important beliefs; beliefs that support your existence and survival, what evidence do you have to uphold these beliefs? Is your evidence based on personal experiences; the influence of education you have received; your intuition; your faith? Are there beliefs that you hold dearly that have no evidence whatsoever to support them?

Lucky people often express beliefs that have no evidence to support them. There are countless stories of people that have miraculously survived circumstances, beyond belief. They experienced an extraordinary reality; a reality without logical or rational evidence to support it. For example, a child may dream of going to university even though there is not a single member of their family that can read or write. Although the available evidence suggests that their goal is impossible, they hold on to their belief, supported only by their own intangible faith. The cherished belief gives them tremendous pleasure and enables them to overcome painful obstacles until they accomplish the goal they believed in despite the odds.

Whatever we choose to believe, we will always find evidence to prove that we or those that we love and respect, are right. Psychologists call this phenomenon a “self-fulfilling prophecy”. If we believe we are lucky, we will create supporting situations; on the other hand, if we believe we are unlucky, we will interpret events to highlight all that is unfavourable, hence confirming the accuracy of our judgment.

Our beliefs have an impact on our behaviour, our emotions and our well-being in general. If we believe that life is dangerous, we will behave pessimistically, our actions being driven by fear. If we believe that we are lucky and fortunate, smiles will appear on our face effortlessly and there will be a bounce in our heels that stimulates our vitality and love of life. The response we receive to our manner of interaction provides lots of evidence that we are indeed very lucky. And the cycle continues.

Using the knowledge that beliefs are merely representations of the truth, not the absolute truth, lucky people are not attached rigidly to protecting their own beliefs. They are more committed to nurturing their values instead of beliefs. If the belief does not guide them to develop what they value in life, they discard it, like an inaccurate set of directions that fails to take them to the desired destination. For example, a traditional person with very strong family values will keep their family together by modifying or letting go of various beliefs in order to adapt to the new lifestyle of their younger generation. Moreover, wise, lucky people create new beliefs to strengthen their family relationships, filling their lives with priceless values. In contrast, unlucky people lose the closeness of their family members, hanging on miserably to their heartless, unrewarding beliefs, constantly expecting life to present evidence that supports their self-righteousness.

1. What kind of beliefs are steering your life?
2. Which of your beliefs supports your purpose in life?
3. Which of your beliefs are false, outdated or disempowering for you?
4. How often do you live life with an extraordinary expectancy of good fortune that is beyond belief?

References
Robbins, A. (1992) Awaken the Giant Within, Free Press
Wiseman, R. (2004) The Luck Factor, Arrow (Rand)

This article is part of my new book “You’re So Lucky” to read more articles like this, subscribe to our free newsletter : Success Newsletter

© Jesvir Mahil 2010

2010-01-02T20:13:00.003+10:00

Lucky People Think Creatively

“A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.” James Allen

Lucky people think creatively and the quality of their thoughts and open-mindedness, attracts opportunities that they promptly notice because they anticipate lucky breaks. In contract, unlucky people fail to notice opportunities as they pass by, because they are too busy, caught up in their thoughts filled with worry, fear and self-pity.

It may seem rather simplistic or extreme to define a person and their luck as a measure of their thoughts. However, for over a hundred years, James Allen, author of ‘As a Man Thinketh’ (1902) has influenced the lives of millions around the world with his profound theory which in essence states that “what we think is what we are”. The implications of Allen’s assumptions are that we create our own luck in life and that the distinction between fortunate and unfortunate people is basically in the quality of their thoughts.

In his popular book ‘As a Man Thinketh’, James Allen explains the impact of our thoughts on our character, circumstances, health, purpose and achievements in life. How have your thoughts shaped your luck and life in these respects?

1. Character
Your character has probably evolved over the years as you moved from the stages of childhood to adulthood. Our emotions naturally change over the years and we learn to let go of thoughts that no longer serve us. When we go through painful or traumatic experiences, our character changes, for the better or worse, based on our thoughts and the meaning we assign to the situation. If, as James Allen suggests, our thoughts are like seeds, what have you been planting? What are the fruits of your character at this point in your life?

2.Circumstances
“Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.” James Allen.
Lucky people tend to focus on solutions whereas unlucky people dwell on problems. In thinking creatively, lucky people know how to escape from adverse circumstances whereas unlucky people are unable or unwilling to envisage a way out. Stressful situations can force people to reveal themselves as they really are, without the masks they use to disguise their internal thoughts and character. How do you behave when the going gets tough? How authentic are you? How do you interpret the circumstances you find yourself in now?

3.Health & Body
People that place a high value on their health usually take good care of their bodies. This requires thoughtful consideration about what to eat; when to exercise; how to relax and how to revitalise our energy. Effective action to maintain health has to be preceded by effective thinking. How often do you reflect deeply about your health and take actions to nurture your body appropriately?

4. Achievement
Creative thinking and sustained effort is essential to complete the required process In order to achieve any worthwhile success. Whereas lucky people are persistent in taking actions towards their dreams and goals, unlucky people lazily expect their dreams to manifest without any action on their part. Even a very tiny action can cause an enormous effect.
What actions are you taking on a daily basis to create your dreams and achieve your goals in life?

5.Purpose
Those who live life without inspiring dreams that pull them forward with a strong sense of purpose about where they are going and how they need to use each day in order to get there, remain stagnant in the shadows of their worries, fears and petty challenges. Unlucky people focus on the minor trials and tribulations of life because they do not, instead, have a clear, desirable and exciting goal that they feel passionate about attaining. Fortunate, lucky people are driven by their dreams rather than held back by their petty concerns. What is your purpose in life? Is the attractive force of your purpose stronger than the debilitating force of your self-doubt and fears? How creatively can you achieve your purpose?

References
Allen, J. (1902) As a Man Thinketh
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Allen_(author)

This blog is part of a book called "You’re So Lucky!" by Jesvir Mahil. To read more, subscribe to the free Success Newsletter )
Ms Jesvir Mahil
www.jesvir.com
London, UK

2010-01-01T00:18:00.002+10:00

Lucky people live life driven by purpose.

“If you don’t know where you are going, any path will do.” Lewis Carroll

If you have read Lewis Carroll’s “Alice in Wonderland”, you will probably recognise the quote above and the following excerpt from the book:

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

Lucky, fortunate people usually have a clear purpose in life and they look for signs steering them in the right direction. Unlucky people on the other hand, often complain about not getting anywhere in life. They respond in a similar way to confused young Alice when asked about where they actually want to be or go.

How clear are you about the following questions:
What is your purpose? Who are you? Where are you going? How are you planning on getting there?

Having a clear sense of purpose may serve to attract more luck into your life. If you know where you are heading, it will be a lot easier for life to present the signposts that will help you get there.

Inner Drives, Passion & Dreams
If you are uncertain about your purpose in life, pay attention to the things that inspire you; notice the things you love; be aware of what gives you joy in life; what evokes your passion for life? What motivates and drives you? What do you value in life? What are your dreams?

For example, do you value freedom or security? If you value freedom rather than security, life may support you in travelling around the world independently but your plans to buy a house, on the other hand, may not be so successful. Some things may fall into your lap easily and effortlessly and others fail to materialise despite your hardest efforts and struggles. Perhaps the former are in alignment with your values and the latter, on the other hand, conflict with your highest values. For example if you value truth more than success, you will fail to get the job or stay for long in a job that compromises your integrity. It may seem a stroke of “bad luck” that you didn’t get the job or you got made redundant, but in fact, life is supporting your true values even though you may not be fully aware of them.

Your dreams must be your own dreams and not the dreams of your loved ones, which is one of the reasons that our most cherished dreams fail to materialise. We have to learn to create our own dreams. A mustard seed will never grow up to be an oak tree, regardless of how well it is nourished or how many years it has grown. Lives are often wasted trying to be someone else; living someone else’s dream and comparing our lives with the lives of others when there is no real comparison to be made.

How do you know that your dreams are your own? Who do you compare your inner life with? How does this help or hinder your own journey through life?

Some of your goals and ambitions will naturally be inspired by external circumstances and the environment in which you have lived. If your parents lived in poverty, you may be driven by the need to have a better standard of living and you may define your purpose in life to establish a life of comfort for your children.

One of the differences between lucky, successful people and those who consider themselves to be unlucky or unfortunate is the capacity to think and plan ahead. Those who invest in their own education, clearly have a different strategy for expressing their purpose in life.

What do you hope to achieve in your lifetime?
How will you be remembered?
What legacy do you intend to leave?
How will you uncover your deepest purpose, passion and driving force in life?

By living a life driven by purpose, like lucky people do, you will increase your chances of finding the signposts guiding and directing you to where you believe your destiny to be.

(This is part of a book called "You’re So Lucky!" by Jesvir Mahil. To read more, subscribe to the free Success Newsletter )

Ms Jesvir Mahil
www.jesvir.com
December 2009, London, UK

2009-12-31T10:04:00.003+10:00

You’re So Lucky!

Leila was a high achiever. She had learnt that in order to survive; in order to be loved by her family and in order to be accepted in the workplace, she had to produce desirable results.

Her long list of accomplishments often evoked an emotional “You’re So Lucky!” response from new acquaintances, which made Leila cringe as she raised her eyebrows in disagreement to say “Oh, yeah? Really?!” She was superstitious and desperately afraid that her apparent good fortune would be jinxed by the overt envy or covert jealousy of people that neither cared for her success nor her well-being.

In order to ward off the bad luck that she was expecting, sooner or later, she would justify her apparent good fortune with a long list of sacrifices she had made along the way. She would highlight all her failures and sigh over her dreams that would never be fulfilled.

Leila believed that she was far from being lucky; in fact, she was convinced that her inability to settle down with the man of her dreams, and her numerous failed romances meant that she was cursed and that her life was cursed.

Subscribe to free Success Newsletter to read the story of Leila’s journey from a life of fearful pessimism to a lucky life of blissful contentment. Perhaps you will see a reflection of your own journey in this story.

Ms Jesvir Mahil
www.jesvir.com
December 2009, London, UK

2009-12-22T07:52:00.001+10:00

Social Media & Serendipity

Can social media increase serendipity in your life?

What is social media? And what is serendipity?

As you are reading this article, which is an example of social media, you will, no doubt, have your own interpretation of this form of modern communication. In my view, social media refers to the communication of thoughts, ideas, concerns and interests through a network of connections in which many can and do, correspond.

Serendipity is a word associated with a fairy tale called “The Three Princes of Serendip” in which the heroes possessed the gift of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

Thus, another way of asking the above question could be:

Is it possible to increase the likelihood of making fortunate discoveries by coincidence through engaging in social media?

In my opinion, the answer is obviously “yes”, based on a few possible reasons:

1. In many good fairy tales, the hero or heroine delves into the unknown where they find the treasure which is invariably much more wonderful than anything they had ever expected to find. Likewise, the social media heroes and heroines step into the unknown whenever they express the contents of their mind to an audience that is largely unfamiliar and unpredictable in how they will respond to the communication. As in fairy tales, there is usually (but not always) a reward for the courage it takes a social median to share openly in a public environment where not everyone is friendly or supportive. This reward may take the form of new friendships, greater self-confidence and ability to influence. The gift of serendipity will be apparent in how these new experiences unfold, perhaps through the depth of trust created or the quality of collaboration made possible.

2. Social medians seem to know and understand the value of FREEDOM and they generously give away their best thoughts, ideas and systems for FREE. Unlike journalists that may feel compelled to sell their articles to the highest bidder, social medians generate articles that are not necessarily written to please anyone, let alone be sold. It seems apparent that the person whose life is entrapped with obligations and restrictions will have limited opportunities for random, creative acts of serendipity whereas those living in freedom will attract more opportunities in which the gift of serendipity will reveal itself.

If you have the courage to share your creative ideas openly and you value freedom so much that you give generously, at random, you are creating a lifestyle that is perfectly conducive to acts of well-deserved “serendipity”.

I have been developing my skills as a social median for many years with my websites, blogs and active participation in online forums. Over the years, there have been various cases where I have been blessed with serendipity. For example, I used to write quite a lot for a coaching forum and one day, out of the blue, I was asked to write a chapter for a book called “Good Question”. This was many years before I published my own books and perhaps it was a signpost, guiding me along my career path as a writer, which is not at all what my focus was at that time, when I was contributing my ideas to the coaching forum.

How much of a social median are you? Do you share your ideas, thoughts, concerns and interests with people that you may never meet in your lifetime?
What is the impact of your thoughts on others? What evidence of serendipity have you seen in your life recently? How could you cultivate your environment to attract more luck into your life?

© Jesvir Mahil
Subscribe to Success Newsletter

2009-12-14T09:23:00.002+10:00

Read Effectively & Efficiently

How well do you read? Notice, I didn’t ask “How fast do you read?” I asked quite a different question: “How well do you read?”

Like me, you may have wished you could read much faster than you do. There may be a growing pile of books on your shelves, gathering dust; books that you wish you had time to read; books that you wish you could read faster, to fit in the time you have available.

What’s stopping you from reading your collection of books? Is it really time and are you sure you are such a slow reader? Perhaps you are mistaken and it is in fact, neither of these two reasons.

For most of my life, I held the belief that I am a slow reader. I didn’t bother to clarify who I was comparing myself with until I met an expert photo reader recently and I realised that I could read as well as him, if and when I wanted to. In fact I realised that without being able to read effectively and efficiently, I would not have been able to study for and pass all my exams from the basic GCSE level to several degrees including an MBA. This was quite a revelation. It freed me from the desire to attend quite expensive “speed reading” or “photo reading” courses.

Ask yourself: “What is my belief about my reading skills?” “Who am I comparing myself with?”

If you believe that your friends, colleagues and bosses, read much better than you, what are they doing differently? What is it that you are not doing? Are you following effective reading strategies?

Here are a few that I use:

Strategy 1
Environment: Make sure you are physically comfortable and that you are able to breathe properly. Curling your legs up on the sofa is a great position for falling asleep but it will not serve you so well in reading effectively. Your abdomen needs to be free of obstructions to take in a full breath of air, regularly. Also, your back needs to be well supported so that you won’t be interrupted from your reading by continuously having to change positions.

Position the book upright on a reading table so that you are looking at it in the same way that you look at a computer screen (not laid flat on the table). If the book is laid flat on the table, notice that your eyeballs will not have as much peripheral vision as when they are focused straight ahead. When you are driving a car, you rely on peripheral vision to be aware of what is happening to your left and right. You would not be a good driver if you looked down the whole time. Similarly, you will be a much better reader if you look ahead than if you look down.

Strategy 2
Purpose: Make sure you know why you are reading the book. Start with a very clear intention. What are you looking for? Entertainment? Information? Inspiration? The more specific your purpose, usually, the easier it is to decide if the book is meant for you. If your purpose is to find relevant information for an assignment or article that you need to write, effective readers usually scan the contents page; the titles and subtitles until they find what they are looking for. If your purpose is to get a general sense of the book, to help you decide whether to buy it or not, for example, you will naturally skim through the pages to see if it interests you. This does not mean that all books you have bought are meant to be read by you. Your purpose may not have been clear when you bought the book; or that particular purpose may no longer be relevant. There is a time and a place for everything and when you decide what your purpose is, you will know whether the book is meant to be read now, or in fact ever, by you. This strategy may well clear some of your dusty bookshelves and make room for those special books that really deserve your attention in the present.

Strategy 3
Read the book with your mind rather than your eyes: Your mind is full of knowledge and all the new information it receives latches on to the existing knowledge in order to make sense of it. Therefore, the more well-read people tend to read much faster, being able to recognise and make sense of a lot of material they have not previously seen and they use their previous knowledge to predict what the author will express. When you are reading with your mind, imagine that you are having a conversation with the author of the book and this could give you insights that are not apparent in the physical words that you see with your eyes. Our favourite books are often those in which the author speaks to us with underlying messages that are triggered when there is a connection between the mind of the author and the mind of the reader.

If you use these three strategies effectively, you are no doubt, an effective and efficient reader and you will continue to improve as your mind learns to recognise familiar language patterns; familiar themes; familiar content. The more organised the existing knowledge in your mind, the greater the likelihood that the new information will be easily assimilated and integrated to enhance your comprehension skills and your ability to communicate your understanding. So, what is your current belief about your reading skills?

I learnt some of these reading techniques from the following:

Buzan, T., (2003) The Speed Reading Book , BBC Worldwide Ltd, UK

Websites:
PhotoReading Whole Mind System Reading Program
http://www.photoreading.com/ (accessed 12 December 2009)
The Speed Reading Coach
http://www.thespeedreadingcoach.com/ (accessed 12 December 2009)

If you enjoyed reading this article, please share it . To receive notification when I write another article, subscribe to our newsletter here: http://universityforlife.com/subscribe.htm

© Jesvir Mahil 2009 www.jesvir.com

2009-03-01T22:54:00.001+10:00

Dear Friend,
It is already spring, a time for new beginnings and reflection on innovations. What innovations are you working on in your life and business? What are you thinking & doing differently this year? How are your thoughts, perceptions, behaviour and understanding of the world different to last year; last month; last week?

Over the course of this year, I will be sending my readers sample chapters of my new book "How to Rock the Boat ... Safely!" which I am publishing as an e-book in the first instance. I would love to receive your comments and feedback on each of the chapters so that I can make amendments as necessary for the paperback copy. Please click on the link below to read the first four chapters.
How to Rock the Boat ... Safely!

2008-06-24T09:16:00.000+10:00

In the UK, the rising cost of food and fuel is heavily debated in the media and political arenas these days. Perhaps the situation is similar in countries around the world. Are we bothered?

According to Jay Rayner, journalist for the Dispatche s programme broadcast this evening, the problem is not that food prices are going up dramatically; the problem is that food prices have been too low for too long in countries like the UK.

Food for thought?

How much of your salary do you currently spend on food?

Living in London, I spend about 10% of my salary on food. If the price of food doubles, I will be spending 20% of my salary on food. I will still be able to afford to eat even if the price of food triples. However, in developing countries, where people currently spend over 50% of their salary on food, the doubling or tripling of food prices will of course mean that people will no longer be able to afford enough food to meet their needs.

Can you imagine a situation where we have to spend over 50% of our income on food? I cannot. This leads me to contemplate on the message in the Dispatche s programme this evening: food prices have been too low for too long in countries like the UK.

Similarly, have you noticed that the price of clothes has been going down so fast in recent years that it is now quite normal to buy T-shirts and tops for £2 in stores such as the pervasive Primark retail store. My teenage students, most of whom have never worked a day in their lives, can afford to dress in quality outfits, crafted by children earning 50 pence per day in the slums of India. When I see these low income, inner city students, in yet another fancy outfit, I have this conversation in my head:
"What, you didn't know they used child labour to manufacture those clothes for Primark?"
How can you buy an outfit for £2 and not know?

How can you boast that it is cheaper to throw away your clothes after you've worn them a couple of times than to get them cleaned, and claim that you did not know the amount of exploitation that was required to meet your desires?"

The primary purpose of most businesses is to make maximum amount of profit at least amount of cost and both India and China have proved lucrative hosts for western companies such as Primark to meet excessive consumer desires at increasingly competitive prices.

The twist in the business tale occurs when we consider ethics and the power of the media to move our conscience. Just one powerful documentary, one video clip can turn a boastful business remark into a cause for embarrassment and guilt.

Primark boasts that it cuts costs of production through minimal spending on advertising. However, in response to the BBC Panorama documentary on the use of Indian child labour for its clothes production, Primark sacked three Indian suppliers implicated in the breach of ethical standards. No doubt this caused hundreds of job losses in the local area concerned.

What would you have done?

The fundamental economic questions are "What to produce; how to produce it; for whom?" What questions do you ask yourself as a consumer? What to consume? At what price? Where to get the product from? In a free market, our decisions as consumers are expressed powerfully each time and each place we make a purchase.

Happy shopping!

Jesvir

2008-03-12T08:44:00.000+10:00

Usually I write about my personal thoughts/ideas on a topical business issue. This time I am adding a link to a live broadcast I did for Westside Radio last week, accompanied by 4 of my teenage business studies students. The show host asked us to speak about the importance of character in business; how to create powerful teams and deliver effective presentations. She also asked us to justify the importance of a business education. Our answers to these questions are available at this link which will take you to the recording of the radio broadcast:

Westside Radio

In the past, there was a distinct gap between academics and the business world...people went to university to become professionals with "jobs for life" and setting up a business was seen, for many, to be the choice for non-academics. Regardless of whether you are a professional or business person There is a great difference between doing a job to pay the bills and doing work that is fulfilling and rewarding. Doing a job that bores you or stresses you will impact on every area of your life just as doing work that constantly inspires you will. Three of my respected coaching friends have created a free special audio called 'Discover Your Calling' to share what they have learnt on the path towards creating fulfilling work. You can hear this free recording by clicking the following link: The Money Shaman
Let me know your thoughts on the Westside Radio show and also the Money Shaman recording when you have had a chance to listen.

2007-08-09T18:19:00.000+10:00

The price of FREE seminars

How often do you get invitations for seminars that are "FREE"?

Does it tempt you to attend, even though it is not something you need, want or can use, merely because it is "free"?

I get several invitations every day to attend personal development seminars that are "free". I put "free" in inverted commas as you & I both know that when something is offered "free" in the business world, it is usually part of a marketing campaign which often leads to over-priced goods/services further along the path.

For example, I attended a very professionally organised "free" seminar last year and was recently sent a trial copy manual priced at £300 by the organisers of that seminar. This manual may have been sold for £10 maximum in the local bookshops but the "trust building campaign" that the organisers have engaged in over the past year enables them to request a much-inflated price. Psychologically, we are inclined to pay much more to those we like, trust and respect.

The two sides to this coin are that: as business people we gain the confidence to demand higher prices from our customers/clients in return for their trust in us; as customers/clients, we are likely to willingly pay more to those who have gained our trust.

That may sound all well and reasonable. Until of course we realise we are being cheated with inflated prices. A customer that feels they are being cheated is very hard to win back. This is the same in all kinds of relationships. Once the trust is breached, we put ourselves into negative equity, perhaps in direct proportion to the level of trust that existed.

So when you are offering or, are offered, a seminar or something similar for "free", ask yourselves:

How am I spending my time? How am I investing my time? How am I wasting my time?

Your time is probably your richest resource and it is finite...whether you spend it, invest it or waste it, you cannot claim it back. There are no business guarantees that will give you your time back.

Most of us are aware when we are WASTING our time. It is harder to see the difference between SPENDING our time and INVESTING our time.

In what ways do you SPEND your time and what ways do you INVEST your time?

One of the ways I am investing my time at the moment is in building up my social and business community. Most of you are already part of my business community at Ecademy If not, please do join....you will receive a one month FREE trial if you click this link Ecademy (and after that we will ask you to pay through the nose!! just kidding!) If you are not a business person and would like to be a part of my online social community, please add me as a friend on Facebook I like the philosophy of openness and transparent communities that Facebook evokes (it is free) and out of the dozens of networks I am a member of, I find Ecademy and Facebook to be the most useful for business and social communities.

Jesvir Mahil

2007-07-19T12:24:00.000+10:00

Survival of the Fittest?

Don't we judge people by the language they use?

The language we choose to use, defines us. It forms a part of our identity. The essence of our business is conveyed in our logo, our mission statement, our strap-line (that crucial sentence which needs to persuade people to buy our products or services). The words we choose to use will either attract or distract our potential customers.

The language of our inner thoughts moulds our attitudes and behaviour. Therefore it is useful to periodically reflect on the language we use to define ourself and to consider how this is shaping our behaviour:

Are you a capitalist? A socialist? An idealist?

In a conversation with my business friend, Aini, we spoke about the need for a new political term that defines technology-powered entrepreneurs like ourselves that are neither capitalists nor socialists; she came up with the term "idealism" which seems to fit perfectly. Our businesses are driven and fuelled by IDEAS, not capital.

Ideas, idealist, idealism......the words you resonate with, will guide you to the people who speak "your language"

Some of my friends with rich ideas are Davide de Angelis and Steve Noble (Director of Alternatives). They run regular Prosperi ty workshops and I attended one of these today. Davide explained the difference between "survival of the fittest" and "survival of the indispensable". There is a great difference between these two attitudes.

Think of a business which is built on the attitude of "survival of the fittest".

Now think of a business which is built on the attitude of "survival of the indispensable".

When something (or someone) is "indispensable", their presence supports the existence and growth of those around them. Indeed, their presence is fundamental to the existence and growth of others.

The best way I can illustrate the difference between "survival of the fittest" and "survival of the indispensable" is by asking you to watch this inspirational video of Nick Vujicic

Nick Vujicic, in my opinion, is a perfect example of "survival of the indispensable". Please watch this video: Nick Vujicic

What are the words you are using to define who you are? How is the language of your thoughts shaping the way you relate with the world around you?

2007-06-29T11:04:00.000+10:00

Truth and Lies

Have you ever told a lie?

Most people's answer to this will be "Yes, of course!" and then they will justify their reasons for telling the "white lies".

I bet that you can justify every single lie that you have ever told in your life. And so can I.

Gary King, a speaker at the YES group yesterday, told the audience that most people are "basically honest". They lie, cheat and deceive because that is what "basically" honest people do. Honest people do not.

Honest people do not lie, cheat or decieve. Basically honest people do.

This assertion created quite a reaction in the audience with questions such as:
"I didn't tell my family that my father was terminally ill and I still believe that was the right thing to do!"
"When my wife asks me if she looks beautiful, it is kinder to lie"

Please reflect on all the times you have lied in your life for a "very good reason".

This is the question Gary King asked when all kinds of "good" lies were thrown at him:

"How did you feel when you told that lie? Did you feel empowered or disempowered?"

He illustrated how scientific experiments provide evidence that lying is bad for our health. When we lie, the negative, life-destroying mechanism is stored in our cells.

However, in the USA (according to Gary King) some college students are being taught "alternative ethics". They are taught that as long as the outcome is achieved, the means for achieving that outcome, including lying, are ethical.

What do you think?

Have you ever told a lie that truly left you feeling empowered? Did the end justify the means?

If you would like to explore this issue about the "Power of Truth" further, you might be interested in getting Gary King's DVD The Power of Truth The DVDs were on sale at the YES group yesterday but I didn't buy one because I thought this whole "tell the truth!" business was a way of controlling the masses into paying every single penny of their taxes! :) OK, I might be wrong! :)

2007-05-29T03:38:00.000+10:00

Everything is Miscellaneous

Do you remember the days when door-to-door salesmen would invite themselves into your home in order to persuade you to buy Encyclopaedias that would be out-of-date by the time you finished making the monthly payments?

You have most probably heard of and used the online encyclopedia Wikipedi a and I can guarantee that no salesmen knocked on your door to tell you about it, the reason being that this is a FREE encyclopedia and you will have heard about it through word of mouth.

What I find remarkable about this encyclopedia is not that it is free but that anyone can edit it. 20 years ago, would you have believed that we would have free access to an encyclopedia that WE could edit?

There are numerous business issues raised by the "Wik ipedia" phenomenon. The obvious one is that a very lucrative business, supplying knowledge in hard-backed volumes, can be replaced by something that takes up no space at all in our homes and burns no holes in our pockets. Other issues are a little more subtle but just as relevant: who controls the classification of knowledge? Who decides the validity of ideas and concepts and above all, their inter- relationships?

In the physical world we are restricted by the principle that "Everything has to go somewhere: it can only go in one place" and this limitation was projected onto the classification and ordering of knowledge. People in power took the liberty of deciding where information was placed and, crucially, whether it had a place at all.The internet has allowed us to break free and to an extent, make our own decisons about the worthiness of information and connections.

You may be part of a traditional organisational hierarchy where the CEO has a vested interest in remaining aloof and inaccessible to the workers on the lower rungs. This kind of structure, just like the Encyclopedia Brittanica, is doomed for failure. The Internet Revolution gives us the freedom to create our OWN networks and choose our OWN place in the world.

Think about all the social connections you have made since you became an active participant in the Internet Revolution. I guess that, like myself, you are no longer in the little classified box which your job title or business title gave you before you ventured into cyberspace?

"Everything is Miscellaneous" by David Weinberger is a very interesting video which illustrates the breakdown of the established order of ordering. He explains how methods of categorisation designed for physical objects fail when it is possible to put things in multiple categories at once.

How does the principle "Everything has to go somewhere: It can only go in one place." impact your life?

How deeply has the Internet Revolution allowed you and your business to break free from that physical limitation?

2007-01-13T23:16:00.000+10:00

Are you a “Space Invader”?

I was impressed by a book by Nirmal Puwar entitled “Space Invaders: Race, Gender and Bodies Out of Place” (2004). This book debates the issue of current policies to promote diversity in terms of race and gender. She illustrates with clever anecdotes and researched examples that neither bodies nor the spaces they occupy can be neutral.

We have all experienced occasions where we were surprised to see someone very different to our expectations. Many Europeans, unfamiliar with Sikh names falsely assume that I am a man and address correspondence to me with “Dear Mr Jesvir” for example. Perhaps you have engaged in a telephone conversation with someone and formed a picture of them being white when in fact they are black? We all make assumptions about race and gender based on ignorance of the facts. However, what Nirmal Puwar argues, based on her research, is that places in society, organisations and any system in fact, are RESERVED for particular bodies. When we see a Black female CEO of a top British company, our reaction is much more than a mild degree of surprise. We see a “Space Invader”. Someone who is not meant to be there. We justify the disturbance to our internal rules by looking for evidence that proves us right (for feeling uncomfortable). How do you feel when you hear a non-native speaker of English in a call-centre based in India, answering to your customer care needs? The fact that they often fail to help us, proves us right, doesn’t it? They are not meant to be there!

Who decides on these rules about who is meant to occupy which space? Our world history and conditioning have helped us to formulate internal rules about where people “should” be and the spaces they “should” occupy. When these internal rules are shaken, we feel the stress of unfamiliarity. Nirmal Puwar goes as far as saying that “When women and ‘black’ bodies enter senior management positions, for example, this movement into a space not naturally reserved for them, causes a collision” (page 143)

In order to justify our occupancy of a space that we have ‘invaded’, we are naturally predisposed to metamorphose and minimise any signs of differences. Whilst skin colour is a permanent feature of our bodily appearance, we can change or slowly ‘whitewash’ our bodily gestures, social interests, value systems and speech patterns in an attempt to minimise cultural differences. As the call-centre employees based in India learn to speak with perfect English accents and only use their Anglo-Saxon names, they will become increasingly more acceptable as the voice (not the whole body) on the other end of the customer care line.

The concept of “space invaders” inspired me to think about global systems and the spaces of power occupied within these systems. When you think of the most powerful positions in the world, who comes to mind? Hold this image in your mind of the faces and bodies occupying the most powerful spaces in the global system. Now swop these powerful bodies with bodies occupying less powerful spaces; in other words, put the bodies of less powerful people into the spaces which they are not meant to occupy. What kind of reaction do these “space invader” bodies evoke in you?

The worst kind of slavery is when you think that in fact you are free.

© Jesvir Mahil, Director of University for Life www.universityforlife.com
Jesvir directs courses for students learning English for International Leadership

2007-01-11T07:07:00.000+10:00

Dead Man Walking .... ?!

When you stroll down the bleak-mid winter streets of London, or the dark tunnels of the underground stations, you may sometimes feel witness to parades of "Dead Man Walking......"

Recently, I heard someone say that in olden times, when someone died, the Greeks used to ask "Did they live passionately?"

Living life passionately was considered to be a fundamental value and taking risks was an integral part of the hero's journey; the metaphor for a life worthy of being remembered.

A colleague of mine asked me about the risks involved in giving up a salaried post in order to set up a business. She complained about the lack of financial security in business and the fact that so much of our work is unpaid. My response to this was, "If the expectations of financial security and getting paid for all the work we do were guaranteed in business, I guess that almost EVERYONE would set up a business wouldn't they?"

When you meet talented artists, one of the distinguishing features you may notice about them is that they love their work so passionately that they would do it even if it were not paid. I believe that we are all artists in some form or another and for entrepreneurs, the creation of a business can be a form of artistic expression. When we find work that makes us more of who we are, the need for security and demands for compensation become irrelevant. The passion we generate and express through our business compensates for the lack of security with freedom instead.

Wendy Oak, a wise reader of my e-zine, Success Newsletter, recommended the book "Anam Cara" which means "soul friend" in Irish Gaelic, by John O'Donohue. John O'Donohue is a Celtic mystic and on page 160 of "Anam Cara" he says: "The shape of each soul is different. There is a secret destiny for each person. When you endeavour to repeat what others have done or force yourself into a preset mould, you betray your individuality. We need to return to the solitude within, to find again the dream that lies at the hearth of the soul"

When we love our own life without comparing it with the lives of others; when we love our own business, our own work, I guess that we are living the life of the hero/heroine, which will serve as an example rather than a warning for others.

What is it that makes us NOT a "Dead Man Walking"?

2006-12-22T23:25:00.000+10:00

Giving Back vs Giving First

When I hear guilt-ridden "digital plantation owners" divert their interest to philanthropic missions saying that they want to "give back" I ask myself, "Why did they steal in the first place?!"

To "give back" implies that something was previously "taken".

In my coaching work, I have lost count of the number of times people tell me that they want to "give back" and when I have a strong enough relationship of trust I ask them "How about giving first?"

The recent series of "The Secret Millionaire" on Channel 4, Wednesdays 9pm, is one of the most inspiring programmes I have seen since The Apprentice....in this programme, millionaires go "under cover" to the poorest regions in Britain, living as members of the impoverished communities, in order to identify worthy recipients of their donations.

Time after time...what I have noticed is that the generous-spirited but financially unsuccessful people in this series were all GIVING FIRST...the 'under-cover' millionaires pretending to be poor were all, without exception, astounded by the generosity of their poor acquaintances willing to share with them, the little they had.There is a world of difference between the attitude of "give and take" and "give and receive"...the millionaires seemed to express an attitude of "giving & taking" whereas the recipients of their donations were "giving and receiving".

Which businesses come to mind for you that are built on the model of "giving first" and "giving & receiving"? Ecademy is one.

How about your own business? Are you going to give back? or "are you giving first"?

2006-11-11T00:39:00.000+10:00

Future of Work

How do you foresee the "Future of Work"?

Most of us were forced to go to school for at least 10-12 years, in order to prepare ourselves for a JOB that would result in some kind of value for the GDP of our country.

Education was made compulsory in Europe & the USA during the period of indutrialisation when a labour force was required to manufacture products as agricultural profitability declined. The sharp increase of manufactured industrial goods, meant that families no longer needed to rely on each other for survival. Indeed, industrialisation favoured family members who were willing to disperse in order to get better jobs or any jobs at all, in order to survive.

The decline of industrialisation & the rise of technology and information industries created a new wave in the way we work, allowing more self- employment flexibility and opportunities to work from home.

Will this bring families back together again? I doubt it. During the agricultural era, families had fundamental reasons to stay together; their survival depended on it. Technology has given us the independence that agriculture did not.

Industrialisation forced us to work in rigid hierarchical organisations using Taylorism methods for maximum efficiency (Charlie Chaplin's movie Modern Times is an excellent parody of Taylorist methods of production)

Technology has enabled us to work within a framework of NETWORKS rather than HIERARCHIES. Hierarchies are very masculine in nature whereas networks are feminine in the way they grow, develop and create business opportunities.

Whereas our survival depended to a large extent on the strength of our FAMILIES, during the agricultural era, and HIERARCHIES in the industrial era, during the technology era, our success is increasingly dependent on the strength of our NETWORKS.

A friend of mine is making a film about the changes the world is expected to undergo in the year 2012. The trailer for this film is very inspiring. You can watch it here: The Time of the Sixth Sun

The world as we know it will end in 2012. My belief is that we are going through a transformation of consciousness where the way we live & work in 2012 will be beyond our wildest beliefs. What is your belief about 2012?

2006-10-29T05:05:00.000+10:00

Money Making Strategies

How many strategies do you have for making money?

I ask you this question because this afternoon, I heard Mark Anastasi, a young millionaire, talking about the time, a few years ago, when at the age of 24 he was £7,000 in debt and had to decide whether to buy a cucumber or a few pieces of broccolli for his next meal. He said that when he found himself in such dire straits, he was desperately trying to make money using the only strategy he knew at the time.....looking for & getting a job!

For most of us in the western world, I'd say that looking for a job to make money remains the ONLY strategy we EVER use in our whole lifetime.

If you want to make money, get a good job! If you want to make more money, get a better job! Most of us will spend decades of our lifetime educating ourselves to get that ultimate dream job that will enable us to live the lifestyle of our dreams.

Times have changed!

The difference between someone with an "employee" mentality and someone with an "entrepreneur" mentality is the range of strategies they have for making money.

Typically, an "employee" has only ONE strategy for making money. If they lose their job they are devastated because they equate losing their job with losing their wealth.

Entrepreneurs on the other hand notice that people are buying and selling things all around them. Therefore, they do not equate the loss of ONE client with loss of wealth but just a vacuum that needs to be filled with the next money generating service or product. An entrepreneur uses a RANGE of money making strategies to acquire a flow of money into their lives.

What are you and others around you buying? What are you selling? If you do not have a business, you are probably selling your time. When you go for an interview, the recruitment panel are making a decision about whether your time will generate profit for their organisation.At what price are you selling your time? How profitable is your time?

Let me ask you the question again: How many strategies do you have for making money?

If selling your time is the only strategy you have for making money, notice that times have changed. If getting a "job" is the only strategy you have for selling your time to make money, take a deep breath, relax and think of at least 3 different options available to you. The more options you can think of, the more freedom of choice you have created for yourself!

What money making strategies do you have?

2006-10-23T19:25:00.000+10:00

Going Broke Trying to Make Money!

I was at an Internet Millionaire's Bootcamp this weekend and one of the first speakers asked the audience:
"How many of you have gone broke trying to make money?!"

In a room of about 1,000 people, I'd say at least a couple of hundred raised their hands.

I wondered about the psychology behind the irony of "going broke trying to make money".

There are two aspects to this phenomenon of "going broke trying to make money"

The first is that people don't usually make remarkably high amounts of money while they are doing safe, secure, comfortable 9 to 5 jobs. All the internet millionaires that spoke at the event had suffered extreme bouts of discomfort (homelessness, bankruptcy, boredom) before making seriously high sums of money. The extreme pain they felt somehow propelled them into massive action that produced results.

Tony Robbins often says that "the level of your success will be related to the level of uncertainty you can handle". Taking risks creates a high degree of uncertainty or discomfort and our millionaires at the Bootcamp this weekend had obviously used the pain of their discomfort to produce fruitful results.

The second aspect of this "going broke trying to make money" irony, is not so straightforward. When fear, pain and discomfort are the motivating factors, what happens when the person is comfortable again?

They usually go broke again!!

You will notice whether the people you know are operating from fear-based motivators because their wealth or success goes in cycles. They get rich. They get broke. They get rich. They get broke.

In order to sustain a steady increase in our wealth requires perseverance towards what we feel passionate about rather than trying to escape that which we fear.
Several of the millionaires at the event this weekend mentioned the common refrain "Most overnight successes have spent years in preparation!" In other words, there is no "get rich quick silver bullet"

How do you combine risk-taking, perseverance and reslience in your life & business?

2006-10-15T20:15:00.000+10:00

I read something in the "I Ching: Book of Changes" today that reminded me of the cross-cultural misunderstandings that arise around the issue of "equality".

On Page 10 of the "I Ching", the following extract explains the difference between "Receptive" & "Creative":

"It is the perfect complement of THE CREATIVE - the complement, not the opposite, for the Receptive does not combat the Creative but completes it"

Page 11 provides further clarification about the difference between Creative & Receptive):

"But strictly speaking there is no real dualism here, because there is a clearly defined hierarchic relationship between the two principles. In itself of course the Receptive is just as important as the Creative, but the attribute of devotion defines the place occupied by this primal power in relation to the Creative. For the Receptive must be activated and led by the Creative; then it is productive of good. Only when it abandons this position and tries to stand as an equal side by side with the Creative, does it become evil. The result then is opposition to and struggle against the Creative, which is productive of evil to both".

In Chinese philosophy, there is emphasis on the yin/yan balance between feminine/masculine energies and I loosely translated the above extract about "Receptive/Creative" as an interesting insight into gender issues.

I read something similar about Chinese Confucianism in "The Reflecting Glass" by Lucy West & Mike Milan page 134:

"....Confucianism, a source of values and beliefs for many Chinese, teaches that people are not equal. To this day, people in China are defined by their role in society and their contribution to it. Status is influenced by relationship, which is in turn attached to implicit duties and obligations. People are viewed as relational beings, regulated by pivotal relationships that dictate an individual's obligations ('renqing') towards other people. Observance of proper relationships is essential for the smooth functioning of society. Thus, the concept of development coaching, based upon a partnership of equals, may not be compatible with Confucian values, in which a relationship between a 'wise elder' and an 'apprentice' is more common."

end of extract.

I read the above passage in the context of perception of coaching across cultures. However, as with the extract from the I Ching, there are obviously subtle differences in what is meant by "equality" compared with the European view.

What is YOUR understanding of "equality" in terms of race & gender, and how would you explain your perceptions about this? In what way do you think we are equal?

2006-09-08T18:26:00.000+10:00

The Language of Friendship

At an Ecademy business networking event yesterday we had an actor do a presentation about the importance of body language in communication. He based his body language work on his experience of teaching Nepalese monks how to speak English even though neither he nor they spoke a word of each other's language.

I am sure that all of us have had elements of this kind of experience, perhaps during our travels, when we had to rely solely on our body language to express ourselves, be understood and even to form friendships.

My parents were experts at the use of body language to form strong friendships. When we emigrated to Stafford, UK in the late 60s, we did not speak a word of English and our English neighbours did not speak a word of our native Panjabi.

Within a year, my siblings and I had learnt to speak fluent English because we had the privilege of going to school. My parents however, remarkably, formed deep friendships with our neighbours with about 5 words of English: hello, 'bye, thank you, alright?

I say they formed "deep" friendships with our neighbours based on the fact that our neighbours had keys to our home.

How was it possible to build that level of trust with just a few words of shared English language and obviously a LOT of communication that was beyond words?

On the other hand, you may notice those who share each other's language and use it most articulately without a trace of friendship between them.

When you walk into the office, or a shop or any other place where you encounter other being beings, you will notice whether someone is engaging with you in the language of friendship, well before they open their mouth to speak any words.

And they will notice the same as YOU approach them!

2006-09-05T10:16:00.000+10:00

How do Leaders Lose Compassion?

I took a friend of mine to see the psychic surgeon Stephen Turoff this week for some healing. I have been to see Stephen Turoff a couple of times previously and read on a website that :

He (Stephen Turoff) cannot, however teach anyone to become a healer. In Stephen's words, "a healer needs to posses two qualities, Love and Compassion". He can therefore not instruct others in the mystic field of magnetism and electricity, only give a greater understanding of who you are and how best to apply yourself.

That belief led me to reflect on the concept of "compassion" as part of the research I am doing for my new book "How to Rock the Boat ... Safely!" What I have noticed in organisations is that when a "worker" gets promoted to being a "manager", often, their former peers will complain of a decreasing level of "compassion" with an increasing focus on "profit" by their colleague who has shifted loyalties from "workers" to "management".

Sometimes there is a gradual drain of "compassion" in favour of task-focused, efficiency-driven strategies which leads to redundancies, dismissals, tribunals and disciplinary processes. Years of friendship turn into sour memories.

How do people in leadership/management roles so easily lose the compassion which formed such an integral part of their relationships at work at some point?

Is compassion innate or is it something we learn? If compassion is innate what determines our choice over "people first" or "profit first"?

2006-09-05T10:14:00.000+10:00

Passion, Purpose and Workaholism

In his blog entitled Passion Equals Purpose, Ecademy member Mike Myatt writes,

>>>>>For many in the workforce a job is not who they are but simply what they do. These people's passions lie outside the workplace and for the individuals who fit this description their jobs are little more than a means to an end. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this outlook on life and in some respects it is a more healthy and simple way to live.

As a leadership coach for high-flier executives, I have rarely had clients that fit the above picture...what I have found more common is the type of person that is so passionate about their work that they have no idea where the boundaries are around it.

There is a popular saying: Find work that you love, and you will never have to work another day in your life

So, if you are someone that has found work that you love, in developing your own business, for example, you have a perfect lifestyle don't you?

Well, I suppose you do, as long as you know where to draw the boundaries ....I know a very sad number of people in London that claim to be doing work that they love and they spend Christmas & New Year's on their own and oblige acquaintances to keep them company on their birthdays!

All the workaholics I know claim to love their work....that is wonderful except that "work" cannot love them back!

"Work" may fulfill your emotional, intellectual & even spiritual needs but "work" cannot brighten your day like the smile of a loved one, like the signs of human affection, like the unpredictable, spontaneous expressions of love and happiness that people can earn when they don't even do any work at all.

As part of my research for my new book "How to Rock the Boat....Safely!" I am interested in both success & failure stories about how those who find their passion & purpose through work, manage to remain connected to their families, friends and communities.

I would be interested also in your comments about mathematical genius Grigory Perelman who refused to accept a million pound cheque given as an award for his mathematical discovery because he does not believe in self-promotion. On this website it says that "Perelman said he felt isolated from the mathematical community, and therefore had no wish to appear to be one of its leaders."

Do you know people that are potentially geniuses and highly successful in their work and the "causes" they serve, but miserably isolated from the roots of their experience as human beings?

2006-08-29T04:45:00.000+10:00

Surviving the Tyranny of Positive Thinkers!

As I continue to do my research for my second book "How to Rock the Boat ... Safely!", I have arrived at the alarmingly frequent theme of people being ostracised, marginalised and abandoned because the "positive thinkers" in their lives, like in a fascist regime, cannot support those that do not fit in with the status quo vision.

During my quest for exemplary trailblazers that I can use as case studies for my book, with tales of both success & failure, I have been told stories of sexual harrassment claims being ignored in communities of "positive thinkers" who vehemently deny that charismatic men could be responsible for overstepping the boundaries of decent interaction...according to the "positive thinkers" in these tales, the fault must obviously lie in the "negative thinker" victims of the transgression who perceived the situation erroneously.

Are you a "positive thinker"?

or

Are you a "negative thinker"?

I do hope that you did not answer "yes" or "no" to either of those two questions. The rationale for dividing people into "good/bad", "good/evil" "winners/losers", "capitalists/communists" "you're with us or you're against us" comes from the primitive part of our brain which Lewis et al in "A General Theory of Love" describe as the "reptilian brain" useful for survival based on fear-based responses.

It is the cortical brain that allows us a more evolved choice of reasoning & solutions. The cortical brain enables us to emerge from an either/or primitive mentality which puts people into "positive" & "negative" cages. Using the cortical brain, we can learn to be highly perceptive & aware of what is going on around us. Dr Phil McGraw and others often give the example of the positive plane pilot who is in denial of the dangers until it is too late. They say that a pessimistic pilot is a lot safer than an optimistic one as the former will perceive dangers much earlier than the latter, in time to think of solutions.

Many self-professed "postive thinkers" may fall into the trap of "denial" with an attitude of "see no evil, hear no evil...." Dr McGraw in his book "Life Strategies" p.111 says that "Denial can, quite literally, kill you"

He uses the psychological term "perceptual defense" for denial and warns that "Perceptual defense is active in your life every day. It can and does keep you from seeing things you simply do not want to be true. In a number of situations, it may prevent your picking up warning signs that, if you acknowledged them, could prompt you to take important and timely coping steps. Perhaps this mechanism keeps you from recognising that you are falling out of favor with your boss. Maybe it blinds you to the deterioration in your most important relationship, thus allowing further distance and damage to occur......." (extract from page 112, Life Strategies, Dr Phil McGraw)

If you are a trailblazer, how do you ensure that you are not in denial or overusing the "perceptual defense mechanism"? How have you personally survived the tyranny of positive thinkers that were quite happy & content with the status quo and denied you your needs? Have you Rocked the Boat Safely? or Have you gone overboard several times with a mighty splash! Please share your variety of "positive" & "negative" stories with all the shady areas of grey in between!

2006-08-23T01:51:00.000+10:00

Building Rapport with the Enemy

As a leadership coach I have witnessed several bright, gifted and charming employees meet their downfall as a direct result of not being able to maintain rapport with their "enemy" in the workplace...often this is a line manager and sometimes a colleague at the same level.

In NLP terms, "rapport" is the ability to relate to others with trust & understanding. In order to create rapport with another, NLP practitioners will typically advocate finding common ground, respecting the other's model of the world, being willing to see the other's point of view and generally being responsive to the other person in terms of matching & mirroring them at the level of physiology, tonality (voice) and the words they use.

As part of my research for my new book "How to Rock the Boat....Safely!", I initiated a discussion called "The Importance of Creating Rapport" to identify real life examples of how trailblazer leaders have created rapport. It is assumed that creating rapport effectively is of fundamental importance in leadership as it would be difficult to have support without rapport.

In the previous discussion, The Importance of Creating Rapport, Martin Dewhurst, Mike Myatt, Harun Rabbani contributed some excellent anecdotes and insights into how rapport can be created. Some of these included common NLP strategies such as:
1. Understand & respect the other person's model of the world and affirm their values & beliefs by using language that mirrors & matches their own.
2. Find common ground
3. Be willing to serve & put others first.
4. Be sincerely interested in the other to bring out their best.
5. Listen
6. Care
7. Realise our inter-connectedness with each other

NOT building rapport, would of course mean NOT implementing the above strategies. In other words, instead of understanding & respecting the other person's model of the world, we set out to prove them wrong; we focus on our differences instead of similarities; we defensively put ourselves first; we are interested in promoting our OWN talents rather than eliciting the gifts of the other; we talk but don't listen; we don't care and remain encapsulated in our own distinct individuality.

Most of the clients I have coached are highly skilled in creating rapport and even if they were not, it is easy for intelligent professionals to learn the communication techniques described above. What is NOT so easy is to find the motivation & desire to build or maintain rapport with those that one considers to be the enemy (the saboteurs who will continue to sabotage and erode your very presence in the organisation until they have managed to get rid of you). Choosing NOT to create rapport with those we consider to be vile, dysfunctional or aggressive usually ends with resignation notes or dismissals.

Nelson Mandela & Bishop Tutu identified the need to build rapport & to embrace the enemy when the apartheid system was dismantled ...they made the Truth & Reconciliation Commision a priority in survival of the country. Enemies had to learn to forgive each other for past abuses in order to live together.

However, the Truth & Reconciliation programme worked for volunteers who were willing to acknowledge that they used to be enemies and it required highly skilled mediation.

In organisations, without mediators, how have you managed to build rapport with someone that you know is ready to stab you in the back & to destroy or sabotage your best work efforts? At some point in your career you might have faced this situation personally or witnessed a colleague being made redundant, sacked or demoted because of their inability to "build rapport with the enemy"...I would love to hear your experiences & stories.

The book "How to Rock the Boat.....Safely!" is based on a systems approach to leadership and theories of emergence. Therefore, I am looking for practical examples of building rapport with the enemy in systems/organisations. I look forward to your participation.

2006-08-21T03:25:00.000+10:00

The Importance of Creating Rapport

I am writing my second book, called “How to Rock the Boat….Safely!” and interviewed one of the people recommended to me when I put out a request for trailblazer leaders that I can use as case studies for this book. (Please send me your recommendations of trailblazers)

Martin Dewhurst, is the founder of the GSR project which aims to eradicate hunger round the world.

In my short conversation with Martin, I asked him what he thought of Bob Geldof and his Live Aid campaigns. Most of my friends say that "Bob Geldof used to have great intentions but then he got colonised!" so I was interested to see whether Martin would share this view. I was disappointed to hear that he held a mass media view of the celebrity being responsible for creating awareness about poverty and the likes...I interrupted the flow of our genial raconteur with "well, I don't hold Bob Geldof in high regard I'm afraid! I am a systems thinker and I don't believe that we can ignore the systems which create poverty!"

Now what happened next is what truly impressed me.

I lost count of the times Martin used the word "systems" and "systems thinking" in his conversation with me after we almost parted ways. Skilfully, he captured my attention once again by speaking my language....by repeating and acknowledging what I had already expressed was fundamentally important to me, he placed himself in alignment with my values.

This is a communication skill taught in NLP courses...I haven't asked Martin if he was using this communication skill of mirroring & matching consciously to create rapport with me but it certainly worked.

"How to Rock the Boat...Safely!"... learning from trailblazers such as Martin Dewhurst....for a start, we can become masters of building rapport with perceptive communication skills....learning how to speak the same language as the people we need to communicate with is not merely a case of using the same vocabulary & grammar …we need to speak using language that they value which reflects what is fundamentally important to them.

How do YOU create rapport with people? I would love to hear of what works for you….This discussion has developed very interestingly on the Ecademy forum and you can read & add your views here: The Importance of Creating Rapport.

Alternatively, please add your views here.

Jesvir Mahil, Director, University for Life www.universityforlife.com

2006-08-10T19:45:00.000+10:00

The Law of Attraction

In the realm of coaching, we often talk about the "primary questions" we ask ourselves. New subscribers from the government agency, The Tribunals Service, will recall that during my workshop there last week, I explained that the primary questions we ask ourselves can determine the direction in which we steer our life.

If we assume that the quality of the questions we ask ourselves determines the quality of the responses we get and therefore our behaviour & results, we are advised to avoid "why" questions as these elicit justifications and excuses which may not be helpful in taking us to the next step.

I found a chapter headed "How can I get There from Here?" in "Ask and it is Given" by Esther & Jerry Hicks.

In essence, this is the question that I also hear most often from my coaching clients wishing to take their life to a higher level of quality according to their specific criteria.

Esther & Jerry Hicks start their chapter "How Can I get There from Here?", page 15, with the following:

"Perhaps the question we hear most often from our physical friends is: Why is it taking me so long to get what I want?

It is not because you do not want it enough. It is not because you are not intelligent enough. It is not because you are not worthy enough. It is not because fate is against you. It is not because someone else has already won your prize.

The reason you have not already gotten what you desire is because you are holding yourself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire."

This is based on the "Law of Attraction" philosophy which is becoming an increasingly widespread school of thought in the personal development industry.

Charles Haanel describes the Law of Attraction as "that law by which thought correlates with its object". In other words, we attract what we think about.

What do you think about this Law of Attraction?

Do you believe that we create our reality with the thoughts that are created in our minds?

How important is it for you to be selective about the thoughts you generate?

2006-07-05T00:52:00.000+10:00

What is your primary question in life at the moment?

Many of my readers have been to Tony Robbins seminars and if you have too, you may recall that he says our life is driven by our personal primary questions?

For example, "How am I going to feed my family?" may well be the primary question of someone with inadequate resources to provide sufficient food for themselves & family. This question may be modified to "How am I going to pay the bills?" for someone slightly better off, and "How am I going to pay my credit card debts?" for someone used to a lifestyle beyond their means.

Not all of us are driven by financial questions of course.

What type of questions are you driven by?

The quality of your primary question may well reflect the quality of your life.

For example, my guess is that a day in the life of someone with a primary question, "How can I beat my competition?" will be very different to that of someone focused on the question "How can I express more of myself & contribute more?"...and the irony is that the latter may much more readily beat their competition without even trying! :) :)

So, remind yourself of your primary question and the results you are achieving in life as a consequence of the direction in which that question is steering you.

Would you like to share your interesting primary questions?

2006-06-19T08:15:00.000+10:00

I spent most of this weekend at a Millionaire's Boot Camp!

If English is not your first language, you might look in your dictionary to see what "Boot Camp" means and find one of the following definitions:

A training camp for military recruits.
A correctional facility that uses the training techniques applied to military recruits to teach usually youthful offenders socially acceptable patterns of behavior.

You may be wondering why wannabe "Millionaires" may need to attend "Boot Camps". Well, if you have ever attended a Tony Robbins seminar, or seminars based on the same model, you will know that the audience is controlled & manipulated by a set of regular "Simon says" type of commands eg. stand up! sit down! raise your fist! shout "I'm a millionaire!", louder! jump! shout "I'm a millionaire!"

When you get 12,000 people in an auditoriam with Tony Robbins, people will even walk over burning coal shouting "Cool Moss! Cool Moss" after a whole day of being asked to jump, shout and gesticulate. What the controlled mind is capable of!?

So, the title "Boot Camp" is quite apt for the Millionaire Mindset weekend where we were treated to the wisdom of self-professed multi-millionaires flown in all the way from Australia and Europe.

One of the most interesting statistics I heard over the weekend is that immigrants in any country are 4 times more likely to be successful in business than the indigeneous folk. The reason given for this is that immigrants are much more aware of the opportunities available to them and much more in gratitude (which is supposedly an essential character trait of the rich and wealthy...must be hard! :) :))

On the other hand, when I have met successful immigrant business people, they have usually given their prime reason for starting a business as the fact that they had no other choice...that it was a case of survival. Racism and discrimination in the workplace pushed the intelligent to restore their self-esteem and take control of their own capacity for success.

Perhaps it makes no real difference whether the cause was an attempt to escape pain or to gain pleasure. What matters is the end result?

Actually, it's not quite as simple as that.

One of my second-generation Indian friends gave up her professional career as a Lawyer and bought a large hotel in the centre of London instead. This roused the disappointment and despair of her parents who have been successful business people ever since they migrated to England from East Africa.

"We had no choice but to go into business" they admonished their reckless daughter. "We have worked hard all our lives so that our offspring could enjoy doing something professional instead!"

What do you think? If you were advising a younger friend about choosing a careerpath in business vs a profession, what would you say?

2006-05-30T21:33:00.000+10:00

So many entrepreneurs & successful professionals seem to be driven by a deep underlying fear of not being good enough. The psychologist Adler, a contemporary of Freud, based psychological theories on this "inferiority complex" ...he said that we are driven to compensate for our feelings of unworthiness and inferiority by engaging in behaviour that disguises this...sometimes this manifests in the "superiority complex" which is basically just a disguise for the former.I have been wondering about how this inferiority/superiority complex manifests in the slave trade (which unfortunately is not just a thing of the past) and workaholism where we make OURSELVES slaves to work.I know I have an inferiority complex...do YOU? or do you, like most of us, just disguise it well....or was Adler just off his head and way off the mark? :) :)

2006-05-28T01:06:00.000+10:00

If you saw the BBC programme "The Happiness Formula", you may recall the experiment they did where three participants were given an envelope each and asked to open their envelope in turn. The first participant found a "thank you" note and £5 and was pleased. The second participant found a "thank you" note and £10 and was even more pleased. Seeing that the second participant had received twice as much money, the first participant felt disappointed with his lot (whereas previously he'd been happy). The third participant opened the envelope and found only a "thank you" note. She shook the envelope several times hoping to find some money like the previous two participants had received but her envelope was totally devoid of any monetary reward. As you can imagine, she was quite peeved.

The point of this experiment was to illustrate how comparisons cause us to be disappointed and unhappy.

And yet, we are biologically programmed to compare. Our senses discern subtle differences between the essence and quality of everything we ingest and absorb, whether it is physical matter, emotional or intellectual stimulation.

Did you know that one of the greatest fears that drives people to become workaholics or other expressions of despair, is the deep-rooted belief that they are not good enough? When we feel that we or anyone else that we are judging is "not good enough", it may be appropriate to ask ourselves "compared to what?" or "compared to whom?"

Comparing yourself or others to something or someone inappropriately can be one of the most dangerous weapons of mass destruction. Relationship patterns at the micro level reflect themselves in the macro level. If you feel you are "not good enough" with a mediocre salary, you will continue to feel that you are "not good enough" when you win the lottery.

How have you escaped from the "enough" comparison trap? I am interested to know what strategies people use to rise above the "good enough" trap.....