The Language of Friendship

At an Ecademy business networking event yesterday we had an actor do a presentation about the importance of body language in communication. He based his body language work on his experience of teaching Nepalese monks how to speak English even though neither he nor they spoke a word of each other's language.

I am sure that all of us have had elements of this kind of experience, perhaps during our travels, when we had to rely solely on our body language to express ourselves, be understood and even to form friendships.

My parents were experts at the use of body language to form strong friendships. When we emigrated to Stafford, UK in the late 60s, we did not speak a word of English and our English neighbours did not speak a word of our native Panjabi.

Within a year, my siblings and I had learnt to speak fluent English because we had the privilege of going to school. My parents however, remarkably, formed deep friendships with our neighbours with about 5 words of English: hello, 'bye, thank you, alright?

I say they formed "deep" friendships with our neighbours based on the fact that our neighbours had keys to our home.

How was it possible to build that level of trust with just a few words of shared English language and obviously a LOT of communication that was beyond words?

On the other hand, you may notice those who share each other's language and use it most articulately without a trace of friendship between them.

When you walk into the office, or a shop or any other place where you encounter other being beings, you will notice whether someone is engaging with you in the language of friendship, well before they open their mouth to speak any words.

And they will notice the same as YOU approach them!

How do Leaders Lose Compassion?

I took a friend of mine to see the psychic surgeon Stephen Turoff this week for some healing. I have been to see Stephen Turoff a couple of times previously and read on a website that :

He (Stephen Turoff) cannot, however teach anyone to become a healer. In Stephen's words, "a healer needs to posses two qualities, Love and Compassion". He can therefore not instruct others in the mystic field of magnetism and electricity, only give a greater understanding of who you are and how best to apply yourself.

That belief led me to reflect on the concept of "compassion" as part of the research I am doing for my new book "How to Rock the Boat ... Safely!" What I have noticed in organisations is that when a "worker" gets promoted to being a "manager", often, their former peers will complain of a decreasing level of "compassion" with an increasing focus on "profit" by their colleague who has shifted loyalties from "workers" to "management".

Sometimes there is a gradual drain of "compassion" in favour of task-focused, efficiency-driven strategies which leads to redundancies, dismissals, tribunals and disciplinary processes. Years of friendship turn into sour memories.

How do people in leadership/management roles so easily lose the compassion which formed such an integral part of their relationships at work at some point?

Is compassion innate or is it something we learn? If compassion is innate what determines our choice over "people first" or "profit first"?

Passion, Purpose and Workaholism

In his blog entitled Passion Equals Purpose, Ecademy member Mike Myatt writes,

>>>>>For many in the workforce a job is not who they are but simply what they do. These people's passions lie outside the workplace and for the individuals who fit this description their jobs are little more than a means to an end. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this outlook on life and in some respects it is a more healthy and simple way to live.

As a leadership coach for high-flier executives, I have rarely had clients that fit the above picture...what I have found more common is the type of person that is so passionate about their work that they have no idea where the boundaries are around it.

There is a popular saying: Find work that you love, and you will never have to work another day in your life

So, if you are someone that has found work that you love, in developing your own business, for example, you have a perfect lifestyle don't you?

Well, I suppose you do, as long as you know where to draw the boundaries ....I know a very sad number of people in London that claim to be doing work that they love and they spend Christmas & New Year's on their own and oblige acquaintances to keep them company on their birthdays!

All the workaholics I know claim to love their work....that is wonderful except that "work" cannot love them back!

"Work" may fulfill your emotional, intellectual & even spiritual needs but "work" cannot brighten your day like the smile of a loved one, like the signs of human affection, like the unpredictable, spontaneous expressions of love and happiness that people can earn when they don't even do any work at all.

As part of my research for my new book "How to Rock the Boat....Safely!" I am interested in both success & failure stories about how those who find their passion & purpose through work, manage to remain connected to their families, friends and communities.

I would be interested also in your comments about mathematical genius Grigory Perelman who refused to accept a million pound cheque given as an award for his mathematical discovery because he does not believe in self-promotion. On this website it says that "Perelman said he felt isolated from the mathematical community, and therefore had no wish to appear to be one of its leaders."

Do you know people that are potentially geniuses and highly successful in their work and the "causes" they serve, but miserably isolated from the roots of their experience as human beings?