Lucky People Live in Harmony with their Values

Contemporary personal development authors such as Anthony Robbins (1991) propose that our life values are like a compass, steering us towards the things we value most in life and away from the things we choose to avoid.

“Values guide our every decision and, therefore, our destiny”. Anthony Robbins (1991)

Whether we make our decisions consciously or unconsciously, they are usually in alignment with our highest values. For example, if someone values ‘honesty’ they will disclose unpleasant truths even though this may hurt someone’s feelings or cause families to break up. Someone who values wisdom or compassion above honesty will use deeper discernment about how and when to tell the truth without harming the individual concerned or causing damage to others.

Sometimes our decisions are not in alignment with our highest values, resulting in feelings of guilt or regret. For example, if we value courage above security but allowed ourselves to ignore a colleague being bullied, we may feel guilty that we did not take the risk of losing our own job in order to challenge the bullying. However, someone who values their own security above courage (perhaps because they have children to consider) would not feel guilty about the same situation. If we value freedom above loyalty, we may regret a wasted married life, living with a partner that demands loyalty. Someone who values loyalty above freedom may feel quite content and proud of their capacity to be loyal enough to save their marriage.

Are there things that you feel guilty about? Are there things that you regret doing or not doing in your life?

When you reflect on these events in your life; events which left you feeling guilty or full of regret, you may notice that one or more of your highest values were not being met; you chose to act upon a value of lower importance to you. What value did you act upon and what value would have given you more long term satisfaction?

Sometimes we are well aware of our values but nevertheless, it is difficult to make a decision as they are in conflict with each other. This is often because we are isolating two opposing values and struggling to compromise between them instead of reflecting on clusters of values and choosing the scenario that each represents. For example, when you are buying a new home, instead of creating a dilemma, choosing between city or rural environment, you may find it easier to make a wise decision about which house to buy if you list your 10 top values for a new home and ensure that you meet the top 5 values you have listed. Even if you meet your top three values, I doubt that you will feel guilty or regret the decision you have made.

If you have an important decision to make and would like to be coached on clarifying your top values, contact me to make an introductory coaching appointment jesvir@universityforlife.com